King Kong Ain't Got Shit On Me

by Godzilla

I was up late last night, nodding off and flipping through the channels when I came across a film called Training Day, starring one of my favorite actors Denzel Washington ( 'Zel, as us thirty story, Japanese scaring creatures like to call him). The movie was superbly acted and during one of the film's pivotal monologues, 'Zel exclaims, "King Kong Ain't Got Shit On Me!" 'Zel, I believe you are a hundred percent accurate in your statement and I will go one step further: I concur with you when I say that King Kong ain't got shit on me either.

I hate to break the unsaid rule against speaking out against creatures within your profession. I will admit that what King Kong has contributed to the world of wrecking entire cities and climbing buildings with a fistfuls of carnal pleasure is beyond reproach. However, I have to get it off my cold, scaly, strateum corneum: King Kong's head is getting too big.

Just because you make a movie with Jack Black doesn't mean you can blow off poker night with all the guys and go out clubbin' with Joey Lawrence. You weren't even friends with Joey three years ago. I don't want to even repeat what mothra said, so I will just leave it at this; you need to reconsider your actions, my friend. 'Zel got an offer to do a Jack Black movie, and you know what 'Zel did? He shot his bitch ass. Well, not exactly, but let's just say that they did not appear in any type of film together. On a sidenote, Joey's show lacks character motivation. Ok, i'm sorry, that was bitter and uncalled for. I'm just upset.

On top of it all, I heard from a friend that you were bragging about defeating me in the American version of Godzilla. You and I both know who would win, which was properly reflected in the original Japanese version. Please, King Kong, let's be honest. You ain't got shit on me.